Understanding Death & Coping With Grief

Anyone who claims to understand death has either a forked tongue in your ear or a crucifix at your throat.

The less we understand a thing, the louder and emptier the psalms become; and the louder we cry, the more deafening the silence.

Nay, no solace may be found within scripture, or within the contrived meaninglessness it advocates. Nor will it be found within the calcified hubris of academia, which, ironically became the very thing it sought to destroy. For, when it comes time to explain why those whom the world needs the most are seemingly extricated from us with surgical precision and swift prejudice, we’re left with what we started with: nothing. Both clergy and laboratory become uncomfortably similar in that they merely proffer masterfully articulated answers to questions that were never asked.

No, the meaning of death is just like the meaning of life; understood only from within.

In this regard, the failings of both scripture and formula alike are truly spectacular…do not seek meaning within either.

Seek meaning within yourself and incorporate that meaning into the very fiber of your being.

Do not let those whom the world lost be truly lost to the world. So long as we carry them with us throughout our daily lives, we ensure that the world comes to know who exactly it was that made it a better place to begin with.

People only die if we truly let them.

Another silly quote just fell out of my brain

“There’s no news in truth and no truth in news.”

The truth is largely mundane, boring, doesn’t sell, or is contrary to specific agendas or popular opinion. Therefore, “The News,” which is still largely product, is the last place to expect it.

(Edit: the blogger who commented below, cognifeeder, pointed out that this kind of quote is something called a “chiasma.” I found an EXCELLENT page about it here: http://www.drmardy.com/chiasmus/welcome.shtml
ya learn something new every day, I tells ya. Thanks cognifeeder!)

A Thought About Dreams, And Broken Sleep

So I laid down for a little while to nap (or sleep through the night, whichever happened first). And sure enough, again, right about at the two-hour mark into my nap, I woke up…with a mind loaded with dreams. I could’ve gone back to sleep but since I’ve been wondering about the notion about whether or not we’re actually supposed to have broken sleep (as I’ve wondered before here at this post – which shows some evidence for it), I decided to get up and write them down while they were fresh in my memory into a blank dream journal that’s been laying around and unused.

I suppose, along with everyone else, I too, wonder if dreams mean anything or if they’re just some random chemical by-product of the brain. If they are the latter, this post is moot, but what if they belong to the former category? Furthermore, if they mean something, are we supposed to reflect upon them during the “Broken Sleep” period? Because this isn’t the first time I’ve gotten up after only two hours of nap/sleep with a brain full of fresh dreams.

Here are my thoughts on dreams: if they have meaning, they are going to fall into one of two categories (or a combination of both). Either one, dreams have a collective, universal, or archetypal meaning to everyone, or their meanings contain a specific interpretation to the individual. It may be true that snakes are a powerful symbol in this regard, and they could hold a symbolic meaning that blankets all of humanity. However, it may be possible that what a snake means to the individual could override the archetypal symbolism.

In other words, let’s say you grew up with a pet snake that you absolutely adored. And you continued owning snakes your entire life because you love them and they mean something special to you. Now, let’s say I got bit by a poisonous snake as a child and nearly died. Clearly, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that our individual emotional outlook on snakes could override the archetypal interpretation of what the symbology of a snake means in our dreams.

Or, it could be a combination of both. Perhaps our individual emotional interpretation, if strong enough, overrides the universal meaning of that symbol, but, by default, the universal archetypal interpretation holds true should we hold a neutral emotional reaction to something.

At any rate, I wonder if there’s any value in recording them. I know for a fact that by writing your dreams down in a physical journal will spur more and more dreaming. This in turn has the possibility of leading one down the path to experiencing lucid dreams, dreams in which the dreamer’s control is absolute of the dream, instead of the dream being in control of the dreamer. This, is also a path some individuals take when attempting to experience Astral Projection, or, an Out-of-Body experience, or (OBE).

Journal => More Dreams => Lucid Dreaming => Astral Projection. I know for a fact, from first hand experience, that the first three items in that progressive list hold true. How much time it takes varies, of course, from individual to individual, interest levels, effort, intent, etc…

I’ve heard it said that our subconscious, should it speak to us in dreams, is just like a person…ignore it long enough and it’ll surely begin ignoring you, which will manifest in a lack of dreams. But, if you start listening, just like a person, it’ll begin talking again. All you have to do is open yourself up to the listening part. Whether or not this person says anything of value is up for interpretation.

Perhaps there is inherent value in recording our dreams simply from a physiological perspective. Maybe we give our brains a good work out by going through the mental gymnastics of recalling dreams from the gossamer webbing that conceals them from us. Maybe it does something like exercising, growing and strengthening neural pathways or something. We know that keeping the mind active with little puzzles and engaging recall games helps stave off things like dementia…maybe dreams can offer the same benefits?

What if nature designed us to dream, have broken sleep, and use that broken sleep to reflect on our dreams to keep our minds healthy? That’s an interesting question, I think.

Who knows…maybe even there’s an entirely new undiscovered phenomena encoded in our dreams as some sort of pattern that would show itself over time which would allow us to learn something profound about ourselves. Or, maybe dreams are a throwback to some sort of survival mechanism before we as a species learned to write.

An interesting subject for sure.

Our Measuring Stick

I was thinking really negatively about my art last night when I uploaded that political cartoon. I’ve been basically “talking myself into” pressing on, well, in all things. This negativity is contradictory to my recent inspirational epiphanies about a positive attitude, so I started thinking about the true nature of these things, so I can better understand them, and be better equipped to implement my “positive attitude” philosophy into my life in a practical way.

I’m going to document my findings here, not only for me, but for others who may find them useful. I want to be able to refer to this post in the future in order to strengthen my resolve when the going gets tough, and negative thoughts start taking over.

I believe that the core of the problem is that we are immersed and conditioned to live in a culture of idolatry and I think I’ve figured out how exactly this leads to a path of self-destruction…problems I didn’t even realize I had until I was in my mid 30’s and as recently as a few days ago…

(this is another long one)

Another stupid quote from my stupid brain

“We can’t please everyone, and in trying, we please no-one.”

A great example of this right off the top of my head is Rush Limbaugh, who is a legendary conservative talk show host. If he tried to “please everyone,” by making his show palatable to a liberal audience, not only would he lose some conservative listeners, but also, his liberal content would be too milquetoast to realistically engage a liberal audience (because he would be trying to please the conservative listeners).

Again, I ain’t pompous enough to think I’m the first human to come up with this little gem, and I’m far too lazy to go out and find out I ain’t. Anyway, there it is, original or not, and I think it’s a fine quote. (Therefore, it was prolly already invented far before I was even born.)

Attitude: A Corollary

I have an addendum to yesterday’s post about attitude that came to me during my walk again today. Since this line of thinking is largely foreign to me, I’ve been trying to let that whole “attitude” thing I wrote about yesterday sink in a bit, and while I was ruminating over it during my exercise walk today, a natural corollary set in that deserves its own mention.

Each and every human being on this planet wishes for positive things in their lives. Be it health, love, success, friends, recognition, appreciation, enlightenment, wealth – whatever – it doesn’t matter. We all want for those things that we perceive will change (or maintain) our lives for what we see as the better.

Positive changes. Positive outcomes.

I want to be a better artist. I want to be a better programmer. I want to lose weight, and be trim, fit and attractive. I want to be loved and I want to be smart and funny, because I have an unhealthy obsession with being respected, recognized and validated because my self-confidence and self-esteem cratered sometime around 1982. Some of these things are healthy desires, while others are not. But it doesn’t matter, because I think that these things will bring about changes that will result in fulfilling my desires.

The point is, is that my perception mandates that each and every one of these outcomes are POSITIVE by their very nature. None of these outcomes are perceived as negative. No one (with a healthy mind at least) sits around and fantasizes about how wonderful it would be to be broke, sick and unloved. These things, in turn, are perceived as NEGATIVE things.

Now ask yourself one, simple thing:

When was the last time in your personal life, that a negative thought, approach, or perception, brought about, or contributed to a positive outcome?

When has a negative approach to anything ever result in a positive outcome? Let that sink in — I mean, spend some time on that…really think about that. Believe me, this line of thinking is as foreign to me as the Klingon language is to my mother-in-law.

But think about, and at the same time, allow me to plug in a few examples from my own life to underscore what I’m babbling on about here.

I want to be a better artist. The “better artist” part of that statement is the positive outcome I desire here. But, I will never be as good an artist as Tom Richmond no matter how hard I try. “Never” is the negative approach here. Do you see it? Do you see what’s happening there?

I want to be trim, healthy and attractive. But it’s too hard, and I will never look like Brad Pitt anyway. Again, do you see it?

Oil and water. Ice cream and Tabasco sauce. Diet cheeseburgers. Things that do not go together.

If all of my desires are positive outcomes, how could they ever be attained with a negative approach? Wouldn’t positive outcomes, I dunno, require, um, perhaps, a POSITIVE approach? Or even worse — a positive attitude? Thinking back on my life, I can’t ever think of an instance where I achieved a desired result with a negative, defeatist attitude. When was the last time you achieved a desired positive result with a negative, defeatist attitude? My guess would be never. Or, at the very least, dumb luck on those few occasions where you did. “I’m so gonna bomb this test.” “My bass playing will never be as good as Cliff Burton’s.” “I’ll never be able to learn this new programming language.” So on and on it goes, and guess what? Well…I don’t think I need to tell you, as I’m pretty sure you can “guess what” already.

In other words, if you desire a positive change in your life, try approaching that change with the appropriate attitude that would be conducive for affecting that positive change. In this instance, perhaps it is like that definitely attracts like.

I may never become as good as Tom Richmond at drawing (which may or may not be true), but I can always try to be a better artist than I was yesterday. I may never look as good as Brad Pitt, but I can always do the positive things that make me healthier and thinner tomorrow than I am today. We must anchor our metrics relative to ourselves, and use only ourselves as our own measuring stick. Since we cannot be other people, the only thing we CAN be is better versions of ourselves than we were yesterday, and a negative approach in reaching for those positive changes only serves to undermine exactly that which we desire.

As Melville so poignantly articulated in Moby Dick, Queequeg was equal only to himself.

So, give it a shot for a little while, and get back to me on how it worked out. I know I’ll be trying my hardest to implement this “paradigm shift” myself. It won’t be easy, but I cannot ignore the logic, so I’m going to put forth a genuine effort to change my perspective, and look at negativity, and all natural hurdles as merely challenges only to my attitude. For once the attitude is in check, and under control, then, perhaps, all else will naturally follow suit.

It’s All About Attitude

I came to a rather profound conclusion today, of which I will get to shortly, because this one requires a little bit of context.

So I decided to get up and out for a little spot of exercise, by taking one my little nature walks down the street. After all, if I am to keep my cholesterol under control, I’ve got to get back to what I was doing before my world turned upside-down.

When I got to the park, I took a little breather on a bench that happens to be one of my pre-determined rest stops. As I was sitting there, letting the sun wash over me, my thoughts turned to Hugh. The next thing I knew, I was talking to dead people, my mother included. So, I let the little exercise play out – I got up and began walking again on a rather hidden, secluded path behind the actual park – where I would have the privacy to talk to myself, er, dead people.

I told them both that if ever there was a time in my life when I needed help, now is that time. I’m facing many different challenges in my life today, some known, some private. I told them I needed their help, their strength, their attitude and wisdom if I am to overcome these challenges. I gently reminded them both that I don’t recall ever asking for assistance from the great beyond.

I then came to a fork in the path behind the park.

I chose to turn around and head back, as I didn’t want to overdo it. As I was heading back upon the twisty little path, and pondering the hereafter (and asking Hugh and my mom for any sign), I came across an older gentleman who was out walking his dogs. Up ahead, he had sat down on the only bench on the trail to rest. As I shuffled past him, he asked if I was counting my footsteps. I told him no, I was instead talking to dead people. “Ahh, sorry to hear that.” he replied.

He seemed friendly enough so I decided to sit down next to him and his two dogs. We started talking. We talked about this and that, the absurdity of life, the transient nature of reality, and so on. He had mentioned something about how little control we have over anything, and how drastically rude people can affect us, and then suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, an epiphany struck my brain.

“Eureka!” I exclaimed.

Attitude is the only thing we as human beings can truly claim to have absolute control over. If someone is awful to us, and we respond in kind, we effectively relinquish what tiny piece of control we truly have over to someone else. As if enough of life wasn’t out of our control, we invariably give up THE ONE THING WE DO have control over. To put it another way, say you have 1,000 dollars tied up in various assets and things. But, you only have control over 10 of those dollars and they are in your pocket right now. If someone comes up to you and kicks you in the shins because they suck, would you respond by giving them 8 of your 10 dollars?

Of course not. But that’s exactly what we’re doing when we submit control of our attitude over to others, who, of all people, are the least deserving of it. We’re allowing awful people to take control of the only thing we have control over.

We allow them to negatively affect our attitudes. And the last thing the world needs right now is more negativity. I’m not saying to go out and buy the jerk who cut you off lunch. What I’m gently suggesting, is perhaps we should maintain control over the last bastion of what we can rightfully claim as ours: our attitudes.

Maybe that was Hugh’s secret. Maybe that was my mom’s secret. I think they refused to give up the one thing they knew they had absolute control over — their attitudes. I told this to my park-bench friend, and with a furrowed brow, and upturned finger, he said “You know, I think you just might be onto something there.”

As we parted ways, I thanked him, and told him that I was walking away from the encounter a richer person.

“As am I” he said.

Serendipity? Coincidence? Synchronicity? You be the judge. All I can tell you is that I’ve never lost a friend before, and I’ve never walked around a park talking to dead people before, and I’ve never sat on a park bench talking to a complete stranger before. Statistically, perhaps it was time for all those things to finally happen all at once…

…or, maybe not.

Looks Like NBC Edited Zimmerman’s 911 Call

So I heard a few days ago that NBC had selectively edited Zimmerman’s call to 911 in order to make it seem more racially driven. I originally blew this off as conspiracy trash because I got it from a dubious source. Today, there is an article over at the Huffington Post about how NBC is launching an “internal investigation” into their editing process over that particular piece of audio in question.

So, I guess it really happened, or, happened insofar as my suspension of disbelief will allow, considering it came from news sources that are becoming less and less trustworthy…

A (somewhat) political rant

I was reading a story over at Business Insider’s website about how mainstream media news outlets are experiencing a dramatic viewership exodus.

This leaves me with an uneasy feeling. It is true that I stopped taking mainstream news outlets seriously a long time ago, but when I recently saw CNN running a front-page story asking me whether or not Kim Kardashian’s ass was real or not was when I stopped consuming any mainstream news altogether…

Racial tensions; Trayvon vs. Zimmerman

I guess it’s ’round that time for something stupid to fall out of my brain again.

And why not? What little noise I could make would just be drowned out by the collective cacophony in response to this whole racial fiasco that’s recently gripped the nation anyway. To be honest, I hadn’t been paying a whole lot of attention to it, due to recent events, but it seems I have no choice in the matter: it’s absolutely frickin’ everywhere, and inescapably twenty-four seven. And, what’s worse, is that every news source I’ve come in contact with seems hell-bent on telling me how I should be feeling about it.

What the hell is going on?

It doesn’t matter who started what for what racial reasons because NEITHER ONE OF THEM ARE THE AUTHORITATIVE REPRESENTATIVES OF THEIR RESPECTIVE RACES. If Zimmerman was at fault, he doesn’t represent all white people. If Martin was fault, he doesn’t represent all black people. It’s makes as much sense as calling all people who have mustaches serial killers.

It’s as if the entire nation just happened to magically be there — to witness first-hand the exact events that transpired on that fateful night. I say this, because without even knowing hardly any of the facts myself, half of the Internet is already telling me exactly what happened and exactly how I should be feeling. And as I switch off the news, before I barf, I see a nation, divided, and at each other’s throats.

Where did the information come from when this story first broke, and how was it delivered? It seems no one cares about that, or ever worse they don’t care about any new developments, because a lot of minds have clearly been made up already. Have we learned nothing over the past fifty years? Did Martin Luther King’s words really fall on that many deaf ears? I don’t think so.

I’m going to go full-blown tin-foil hat here, and say that I thoroughly believe that there is some form of deliberate conspiracy to stoke the fires of racism, and to keep them burning with the nourishment of hatred. For you see, if we’re all at each other’s throats, we’ll all be too busy and blinded by rage to see how we’re all clearly being screwed from above.

The only conceivable threat to those that are doing the “screwing,” is if each and every one of the “screwees” united together into an unstoppable force, under the common cause of putting an end to the screwing. Unity is the greatest threat to tyranny, thus, we will never, ever work together if we’re continuously being driven apart by divisive vitriol, and nowhere else will you see this vile agenda promulgated more than in what I laughingly call “the news.”

I really hate to say this, but there’s no gentle way to say that assholes come in all colors, and the sooner everyone realizes this and racism can be relegated to an historically queer lapse in judgement, the better off we’ll all be. Show me just one instance from history — JUST ONE — where a problem had been effectively solved with hatred.

It needs to stop before this nation tears itself apart.

There. That’s my stupid say on this whole stupid thing.